Goldilocks: Anyway, I’m sorry for the breaking and entering and I appreciate you not pressing charges.

Papa Bear: Yea, that was weird. What was up with that? That was a little inappropri-

Goldilocks: Hey, how’s your soup?

Papa Bear: What? It’s fine. Why?

Goldilocks: Mine’s too hot.

Mama Bear: So blow on it. You just sent one back for being too cold…

Goldilocks: Yea, but this is like scolding.

Papa Bear: Yea, its soup. Sometimes you just have to give it a second.

Goldilocks:  It shouldn’t be this hot. Someone screwed up.

Mama Bear: No one screwed up.

Goldilocks: Well what’s that supposed to mean?!

Mama Bear: Nothing. You just always do this. It’s embarrassing to go out with you.

Goldilocks: What?! What am I doing Sheryl?! I’m paying for goddamn soup and I expect it to be just right! What’s the problem with that? The service industry in this country has gone to hell! It’s not my fault these waitresses are incompetent! Can’t imagine they are all that busy with the communications classes they’re taking at the University of Phoenix-

Mama Bear: Oh come on! That’s awful! Who the hell do you think you are?!

Papa Bear: Alright, alright. Settle down, both of you. Don’t make a scene.

Mama Bear: Fine! Just forget it.

(awkward silence)

Goldilocks:  I’m gonna call the waitress.

Papa Bear: Don’t call the-

Goldilocks: Waitress!

Mama Bear: Oh, Jesus Christ…

Waitress: Hey ya’ll! What can I do for you? Need a refill on that lemonade?

Goldilocks: My soup is too hot.

Waitress: Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. Did you try blowin’ on it?

Mama Bear: This is humiliating…

Goldilocks: Yes I tried blowing on it. But it’s still too hot. Now I don’t know how complicated it is to make soup but I am not paying for this.

Waitress: Ok, I’ll bring you out another bowl. ..you uppity bitch.

Goldilocks: What was that?

Waitress: Nothing. I’ll go get your lemonade!