GREENWICH, CONN.- Just hours after announcing his decision to play for the Miami Heat next season, LeBron James and close associates took to a local Applebees to eat and reflect upon his “decision”.

  While there was much speculation amongst those close to James during the 10 minute drive to Applebees as to what meal he would order, James insists he was undecided upon entering his booth. His food of choice for the last seven years had been the Cowboy Burger, however many believed that all may change with the adoption of his new team.

  Immediately after receiving his contractually obligated Coca Cola, James met with each of the cooks individually to discuss the possibility of his order. While no one was certain as to the final decision James would make, ESPN insiders who had followed James through the entire process believed he had narrowed his choices down to the Cowboy Burger and the Chicken Fajita Roll-Up, much to the dismay of many Oriental Chicken Salad fans.

  After hours of deliberations and vitamin water commercials, James sat down with his waiter and made his decision public. “I will always love the Cowboy Burger, but tonight I will have the Chicken Fajita Roll-Up,” announced James.

  “Fries or steamed vegetables?” asked the waiter.

  “We haven’t gotten that far yet, I’ll let my manger and agent work that stuff out.” James responded before licking his lips for the thirty-fifth time in the conversation. (editor’s note: it was later revealed that James’ management team opted for fries.)

   “I feel this is a turning point in my career, and my ordering habits should reflect that” James announced to no one in particular. “I am hungry. And at the end of the day, I feel that the Chicken Fajita Roll-Up can satisfy my hunger.”  

   Upon leaving, James announced over the restaurant loud speaker that all wait staff tips for the night would be donated to the Boys and Girls Club of America.

kevinbauer:

Baby KO, acrylics on Strathmore Charcoal paper.

My first painting in 2 years, done on a whim. Start-to-finish time: 3 hours.

The title of this post has nothing to do with the post. It’s just fucking incredible word play. Actually, this post is about how I have no material for this blog as I come from an Irish Catholic family who frowns on emotional discussion and all of my “comedy” writing is currently being invested in other outlets. Basically, I have nothing to talk about. So this blog sucks. And the worst part is I only have like 8 followers. None of which I am sure even notice that this blog sucks. Ostensibly, I am writing this to no one. Which brings me to the point of this post. I am a self indulgent asshole who types excuses to 8 people as if I am making some proclamation to a gigantic fan base. Stop reading….now.

FloTrack is a national running website that does a great job of promoting the sport. This is for a segment called “3 minute tours” where they give brief tours of campuses across the country.

http://www.flotrack.org/videos/coverage/view_video/234883-flotrack-s-3-minute-tours/326087-ohio-state-3-minute-tour

azizisbored:

Louis CK on Father’s Day. 

I don’t usually do this, but it’s Louis CK

Ok so this is how this is going to work: I am going to blog my thoughts/opinions on topics without any type of filter/editing. I just am going to type what comes naturally to my brain so please ignore any punctual/grammatical/spelling errors. This will be an interesting insight into my thoughts. My first topic is the World Cup. Starting…now:

The World Cup is pretty incredble to watch. I am constntly amazed and inspired by the amount of country and cultural pride that the event evokes in so many people the worldover. I really wish soccer was more popular in this country because it is a beautiful blend of athleticism and finesse with even some artistic performance sprinkled in, I do think they fake injuries too much sometimes but that is just my opinion. I love the fact that it is every 4 years because it makes it so much more fun to watch and so much more rewarding for the winner when they win. It is as enjoyable for me to watch as the Olympics, maybe more so. I think that the international competition reinforces our commonality as people. The World Cup represents the pinnacle of global relations through sport. It is an event that all other sporting events should strive to replicate. The only thing I don’t like is all the minorities. I miss playing sometimes.

Whew! Alright that was fun. I think that went really well. Thanks for reading.

I’m still trying to figure out how to use tumbler. Damn. tumblr. I just figured out how to “like” things by clicking the little heart on a post. I don’t get why they used a heart. Heart means love, not like. Even though they are similar they are not the same. Love is way stronger. We shouldn’t be so caviler about mixing emotions. Imagine if when someone was angry they could text you a swastika emoticon. That’s all for now.

After two weeks and about 127 emails I finally gave in and filled out my SEI’s. They are certainly beneficial, but time consuming. Not physically filling out the SEI’s, but the hours you will lose deleting all their annoying emails reminding you about their importance. I thought I would return the favor under the area titled “additional comments”:

“Professor XXX was one of the best professors I have had in my time at Ohio State. He truly enjoyed teaching and had fun with his students. He is an asset to the university and I looked forward to his class every day. As much as you can look forward to a class I mean. Honestly it was more just me not minding going to his class. I think I skipped it one time to take a nap. But I was like REALLY tired that day. I think I was up late the night before watching “Glee” on hulu. I really just don’t get the appeal of that show. The music is good, I don’t think anyone is denying that. But the plot about these “high schoolers”, I mean come on. I liked that show better when it was called “One Tree Hill”. Am I right? And who are we kidding, no one from Canton, Ohio is actually that good looking. Let alone an entire school. I know people from Canton and they look more like they belong on “Rosanne”. God that show was fucking awful too. Anyway glee sucks and my absence was in no way a reflection of Professor XXX’ teaching abilities. Actually I shouldn’t have even mentioned it. I would like my comment about skipping class to nap stricken from the record. Also all the stuff about glee.”

This is the best thing I have ever done.

Goldilocks: Anyway, I’m sorry for the breaking and entering and I appreciate you not pressing charges.

Papa Bear: Yea, that was weird. What was up with that? That was a little inappropri-

Goldilocks: Hey, how’s your soup?

Papa Bear: What? It’s fine. Why?

Goldilocks: Mine’s too hot.

Mama Bear: So blow on it. You just sent one back for being too cold…

Goldilocks: Yea, but this is like scolding.

Papa Bear: Yea, its soup. Sometimes you just have to give it a second.

Goldilocks:  It shouldn’t be this hot. Someone screwed up.

Mama Bear: No one screwed up.

Goldilocks: Well what’s that supposed to mean?!

Mama Bear: Nothing. You just always do this. It’s embarrassing to go out with you.

Goldilocks: What?! What am I doing Sheryl?! I’m paying for goddamn soup and I expect it to be just right! What’s the problem with that? The service industry in this country has gone to hell! It’s not my fault these waitresses are incompetent! Can’t imagine they are all that busy with the communications classes they’re taking at the University of Phoenix-

Mama Bear: Oh come on! That’s awful! Who the hell do you think you are?!

Papa Bear: Alright, alright. Settle down, both of you. Don’t make a scene.

Mama Bear: Fine! Just forget it.

(awkward silence)

Goldilocks:  I’m gonna call the waitress.

Papa Bear: Don’t call the-

Goldilocks: Waitress!

Mama Bear: Oh, Jesus Christ…

Waitress: Hey ya’ll! What can I do for you? Need a refill on that lemonade?

Goldilocks: My soup is too hot.

Waitress: Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. Did you try blowin’ on it?

Mama Bear: This is humiliating…

Goldilocks: Yes I tried blowing on it. But it’s still too hot. Now I don’t know how complicated it is to make soup but I am not paying for this.

Waitress: Ok, I’ll bring you out another bowl. ..you uppity bitch.

Goldilocks: What was that?

Waitress: Nothing. I’ll go get your lemonade!